Friday, June 25, 2004

6:25pm — If I were to describe this week the first word to come to mind would be “exhausting.”

Here are the highlights:

Monday, I had an interview with this guy from Ingenix for a Sr. B.A. position. His name is Trent Schaffler. I met with him for an hour and a half on Monday morning and point blank told him, “I want this.” — It was my ambition (what he called “drive”) that put me over the edge. He made it sound like it would just be a matter of red tape — but I waited and waited and waited.

Later that day, I found out Jon was probably going to lose his job — the bastard. He got another DUI a couple weeks ago and totally lost his license AND license plates. So, he wouldn’t really drive drive illegally without being afraid of getting caught It really stressed me out. All I could think about “great. Now he’s gonna ask for a break in rent.” — The LAST thing I wanted to hear.

He called and asked for a ride to his work so he could get some stuff and whatever. I had had plans with Sara’s brother, Brian to go job hunting. I wound up postponing with Brian and driving over to the house to pick up Jon. When I got there, I found out he was at Fridays. I went down there and he was already a bit tipsy. The plans had changed. He was no longer interested in going in to work. He went off with this guy downtown and spent the night partying and getting drunk.

Tuesday — I get a phone call from Ben telling me that Jon was with them the night before, but refused to stay at Ben’s. Ben got a strange and disturbing phone message from Jon that includes sounds of yelling in a stairwell and gunshots. — I started freaking out. I couldn’t think straight. I ended up driving to the house only to find Jon sleeping in his bed — he had taken a cab home.

All this is in the midst of the limbo I was in with tis potential new job that I couldn’t tell anyone about and than I was also trying to coordinate this surprise birthday party for Sara which happened last night. It all been WAY too much.

It was Sara’s first surprise party and her last birthday as a single woman.

I got the word about the job toady. I had to drop the bomb on Mike (my boss). It was tougher than I thought. He actually seemed hurt and disappointed. His words to me were, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Sunday, June 6, 2004

12:08am (Mon) — This weekend was a little tough on Sara. Her ex-fiance [Keith] called yesterday and they talked for a bit. Apparently he found out she and I were engaged on some website that she had signed up for a while back. He had just broken up with another girl and wanted to know if there was ANY way they might have a chance [again]. The guy sounded desperate — but what I guess I don’t fully understand is how Sara is so broken up by his calling. I can understand how it could dredge up old emotion — but, I can’t imagine more than just a sinking feeling in the pit of your gut. I must confess, sometimes I feel as though Sara feigns sorrow or puts on a “damsel in distress” act in order to extract sympathy from me. I’m sure that SOUNDS horrible and maybe there’s some truth in it, but I think what Hal would probably say is that that is a sign that I’m not giving her enough love and attention otherwise. But, when such things happen, my immediate reaction is to act in totally the opposite way than what she wants out of me. She’s always LOOKING at me — ever-staring. I just don’t know what that’s about. It was the same with Val. It can be very unnerving.

Anyway, so this guy, Keith, sound like a real piece of work. Sara had a long conversation with him that afternoon – he sounded real conciliatory and wished her well. But, then left a couple messages later — he’s been pining after her for a long time, it sounds like.

Aside from the blatant insecurity and immaturity, there’s something about him I envy — his obvious deep feelings for Sara.