11:27pm — “Sara, we are very high achievers. Most people are not in the same realm that we are “better” than anyone, we have just both been very wise about the decisions we have made. Sara, I think of you as an extremely intelligent person. You have a business savvy that puts me to shame. I know that having kids and a family is important to you; and it is to me too. But, I think you’ve been given some unique gifts and talents that separate you from most other women — including all of the women in your family. I don’t think, therefore, it would be a good idea for you to jeopardize your career.”
Monthly Archives: August 2004
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
11:27pm — I’ve been a little frustrated that this new team I’m on, everyone involved seems more concerned about “jumping to the solution” rather than taking a step back, analyzing the problems and determining a high-level solution.
I was told by a B.A. on the COE team to assert myself — to try and ENFORCE these processes — but, my fear is that my efforts won’t be appreciated and that they’ll actually be viewed as a hindrance to our performance and ultimate success. I guess if I just assume that this is how it’s going to be, and continue to operate under those assumptions, I’ll probably be ok. But, what about the fact that I AM constantly dealing with resistance? My team leader, this lady, Gaylee (La Grange), I think is totally out of her league. I KNOW she’s intimidated by me. And, she HAS given me a lot of clearance as far as doing the things that I think should be done (as far as defining process is concerned). But, she has NO CLUE about some things. I had an inkling yesterday that she might be picking up. But, today, in a meeting with the founder of the entire project, I balked at her when she made what seemed to me to be an outrageous comment. When one of the business representatives gave us a “generous” end date (January 5), internally I sighed in relief, but Gaylee jumped in, and in typical, amateurness, even unprofessional manner said, “Oh, I’m sure we would have it done MUCH sooner than that.” So, I reacted out of my disbelief and said, “What?! Who’s side are you on? This hasn’t even been scoped out yet?” On the surface, ALL projects sound like “no big deal”. “We can whip that up in no time.”
The key here is going to be how I can make my efforts and commitment be viewed as DIRECT success factors. In other words, my contributions were critical components to this project’s success. Somehow, I’ll also need to make that visible to Kirk.
Perhaps, I can dispel a lot of cynicism by outright admitting my tendency to lean towards the ideal. In a joking manner, “confess” my “sin” and let it be known that I welcome correction when I go too far. And yet, in reality, it IS my belief that I DO deserve more recognition.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
7:58pm — Bangkok, Thailand — Shangri La Hotel.
I am sitting here in this hotel lobby unable to eat anything, despite reaching near starvation levels. EVERYTHING I’ve been eating has been going right through me. Last night was particularly unbearable and disgusting . . . my poor wife.
I was unable to take advantage of the evening, tonight, however we certainly made use of our time here, I believe. Yesterday, we went to the International Gem Society (or something like that where we purchased some silk for me and some jewelry for Sara — some sapphire earrings. Apparently, Thailand is known for its ruby and sapphire mines. I’m almost wondering if our jeweler doesn’t himself go to this same place. It was also a factory and we got a very brief tour before shopping. The experience made
Sara very happy
Last night, we were able to get dressed up and attend a formal Thai classical dinner and dance which was absolutely fascinating, stunning, and gorgeous.
Tomorrow, the unfortunate trip back home begins.
Monday, August 9, 2004
10:45am — Phuket, Thailand airport — We wait now to ship off to Bangkok, to the Shangri La hotel. We just said goodbye to our travel agent — Rose. She has just been so wonderful. We promised to send her a little gift from the States. Let’s if we’ve got enough integrity to actually do it.
Sunday, August 8, 2004
6:00pm — Phuket, Thailand — A few yards in front of some wild weather is raging. The hills in slight distance appear engulfed in a monsoon that is insisting on preserving my space.
Sensuous . . . were there any one singular word to describe this trip, it would be that. Yet, truly, I am distressed that along with the newness, the drive may also fade. “God, have mercy on us.”
Friday, August 6, 2004
8:40pm — Phuket, Thailand — This place is lovely and amazing. Except for the room, no room is enclosed. To me, it seems more Japanese rather than Thai. But then, my discriminating abilities in all that is Oriental is waning. We seem to be set or embedded into a hill — the hotel cascades downward in varying levels until finally reaching the beach. Very elegant design. It is wonderfully unique.
Last night Sara and I went to one of Phuket’s more exclusive restaurants. Our travel tourist advisor (Rose) made the arrangements to have us picked up by the restaurant itself. I guess Leonardo DiCaprio who filmed “The Beach” on one of the Phi Phi islands, ate at this restaurant.
Today, Rose, our sweet Thai travel guide had us get on a canoe trip that was like NO OTHER. We left at 11:30 this morning, drove an hour up to the total opposite end of the island to load up on a boat that slowly sailed into bay called Phang Nga Bay. It’s a national park that is nothing but rock islets and tropical vegetation that bedeckles the sea. We were taken down into these inflatable canoes and went through caves underneath rocks which were literally only half an inch from our faces. And the scenery — was NOTHING like I had ever seen before. We also met some pretty cool people. Australians and even South Africans — hardly ANY (in fact NONE so far) Americans. And yet, English is the common language spoken (at least attempted) universally.
Since Sara and I have started [making love], she has been SO submissive — treating me with incredible respect and yielding to me. I have been totally setting the agenda with what we’re going to do and not do. It has evoked rather strong sensations of masculinity I’m just enjoying that so much. She told me that she just feels so loved, which has made respecting me so easy. — Last night, in the middle of the night, I woke her up and took her outside where we made love on our rock and on the balcony next to it. So far, among the dozen or times we’ve made love, I ******** What disturbs me, is that my mind does not focus on her at all. It is not HER that is the object of my passion. My mind wonders onto other things. [I dare not tell her this. I feel very guilty about it. The only thing, I guess that counts is that she is happy.]
10:10pm — Certain events and aspects about our wedding day contribute to its classsiness and sophistication. I continue to replay them in my head — a big one being my toast, spoken IN GERMAN to all of my German relatives who flew over. The video — complete with my proposal, is another. Sara did a GREAT job with the colors, too. Looking at some of the pictures we took of the gowns and the flowers next to them were absolutely stunning.
I must confess, I have reverted l lately too, focusing on Sara’s shortcomings. She’s too this or too that, and not enough this or that. How horrendous. But, what do I say? Perhaps nothing. There are ways to put positive spins on things.
I frequently look down at my left hand only to see a VERY strange object adorning it — my wedding ring. Jon, who saw me at toward the end of the reception, looked at the ring and reacted with vigorous astonishment — and also told me, unsolicited, that he loved me. Dirk came up to me, somewhat later and told me how much he thought I was cool.
Sara HAS been wonderful, though. The other day on the Phi Phi island trip, she got motion sickness and I got irritated with her. Even though she threw up, I found it difficult to believe that it wasn’t psycho-somatic. Later on, when she asked me, “What would you like me to do?” I said, “Tough it out. My foot is all cut up, but I’m not letting that spoil my fun.” I think I witnessed today her attempt to demonstrate this. We did things today in that canoe I would NEVER have imagined her doing. I told her yesterday that if I were just here by myself, I would be doing things differently. I said I would be pampering myself, surely, but I’d also be delving more into the authentic culture. Anyway, today, she was willing to get up close to things, bats, snakes, lizards, and spiders) IN ADDITION to passing underneath dangerously close stalagmites.
I think this marriage will go very well.
Thursday, August 5, 2005
8:00am — Phuket, Thailand — The wedding itself was beautiful and flawless. I wasn’t nervous at all and Sara looked wonderful. Our photographer, Dan, just did an amazing job. He knew everyone’s name, which made it go quicker and was just so encouraging. At the exchanging of the rings, I had a little surprise for Sara! I had a purchased the platinum matching wedding band and had Clinton slip it slyly out of his pocket after bringing the first two out. He slightly paused, and she didn’t instantly catch on what it was. She actually took a double-look. It worked out perfectly. Brian Doten’s eyes teared up a little. — In his brief message, he said we were faithful (something else starting with an ‘F’ that has to with being unselfish). and fun. The ceremony was very classy and elegant. The string quartet helped contribute to that as did the organ which played the traditional wedding march when Sara came down the aisle and then for the recessessional as well. After the entire party had exited, we went back in and excused each row one by one. I was disappointed by the number of people that failed to attend who said they would (many of whom said they thought it was SATURDAY). But, quite a number did come, which made me very happy.
Wednesday, August 4, 2004
11:30pm — Phuket, Thailand — My new wife and I have been [making love] almost constantly. I can’t stop thinking about it. It’ been almost 4 – 5 times a day. She thinks it’s amazing and . . . I have been wondering who of my male friends would ask me about it.
Tuesday, August 3, 2004
5:30pm — Phuket, Thailand
I feel so free. I’ve never looked so good! — We’ve never been happier. The natives here are so polite, so accommodating. I’ve tried to learn their language a bit. “Hello” is “Sawatdee” and thank you is, ” “
Today we laid out by the the pool. I love nothing by my new swimsuit. We even walked over to the restaurant in this condition and had lunch.
I had a strange rush of appreciation for Clinton the other night.