11:04pm — I love people. I love making them happy; even if that means stepping aside and letting them enjoy it. I made a lot of people happier today than they probably would have been otherwise, for instance. It was MY idea to go to Sunday School today, which made Sara happy. It was MY idea to go to lunch with Tim and Jen and Kristi and Eddie. I smiled internally (almost pridefully) as we all laughed together.

Last night another group of people are happier than they would have been otherwise; Mike and Jen and Kim and Casey. We all went to see the Nutcracker last night and went to dinner beforehand. I think for the most part, we all had a blast! I know, especially, the women enjoyed it. Mike kinda let me down, though by not really giving me an indication that he was glad we did it. He made a comment about how it doesn’t beat fishing — but, perhaps, I’ve made similar comments about hunting and fishing — I’m probably being overly sensitive. Nevertheless, I am a little hurt.

I am so glad I did this tonight. We’ve been entertaining people so much lately. I just started feeling so lost — like my own identity was lost.

Many people don’t understand (including my wife) why I choose to remain friends with Jon. Todd Fierst questioned me on it the other day — but, I think it’s because I know what he’s been through — he’s trusted me with so much — and vice versa. I could never turn my back on him. His father rejected him — outright — and he’s more to me than just a drinking buddy or someone that I have ulterior motives. The fact is Jonathan Almquist is real human being; who has been damaged, yes, but who also means no one any harm.

I also love my wife. I am totally devoted to her — even though I notice “faults” and secretly despise them. Nevertheless, she is a wonderful woman (no PERSON!) My first responsibility is to HER FIRST.

But, Lord, I am SUCH a failure in this area. I can only ask for Your grace. PLEASE PLEASE work through me despite my brokenness — and heal me. I pray that she might have some internal strength that is beyond ME.