[I do not remember when this was written.  I think it was written prior to the date that it is posted.]

In May 2008, the appointed family court judge, Hon. Jay Quam, ordered me to have a psychological assessment within 30 days of the divorce decree before I would be allowed to have a unsupervised visitation.

Sara won full legal and physical custody while I was reduced to having only supervised parenting time at Perspectives in St. Louis Park on Saturday afternoons.

I had begun the process of setting up the program through Perspectives soon after the decree.  However, still reeling from the divorce which devastated me emotionally, decimated me financially,
(I had lost our townhouse in Eden Prairie, and had made the unwise decision to turn over my retirement savings to Sara), my life was continuing to fall apart in several dimensions and I just was not able to “get it together.”

Sara was awarded both full physical and full legal custody. As a result, because of my high income (nearly $100k at the time of the trial), my child support payments were set at over $1500/month.  However, shortly after the decree, I was let go from my job at Target Corporation, since my performance and attendance at work suffered due to the demands of my legal obligations and lack of personal transportation.

By June 2008, I started receiving unemployment benefits and was desperately attempting to find another job, setting up interviews and simply trying my best to survive.  I know now that I should have motioned the court to have my child support obligation reduced, almost half of which was being garnished from my unemployment checks.  I was both unaware of what to do and too clinically depressed at the time to petition the courts again.  The prospect of broaching the court and potentially having to face the pit bull, Ellen Schreder, again, was just simply not something I would have been able to do.  Meanwhile, my child support debt continued to increase to where it currently stands at $12,000.

During the summer of 2008, my health was also degrading very fast.  Due to the incredible stress and depression, the physical demands being placed on my heart became too much.  I was reluctant to seek medical attention because I also didn’t have health insurance, since I was previously insured through my ex-wife’s employer.  However, in mid-August, after 3 painful, sleepless nights, I finally called 911.  I shortly then discovered that I had a severe case of congestive heart failure and would require a heart transplant.

I was in four different hospitals, denied admittance to facilities that could perform the million dollar surgery due to lack of insurance, informed at one point that my death was imminent, I finally did receive a new heart on November 10, 2008, thanks to the tireless efforts of my family and friends.  Every day and night, I thought about my son, Austin and even though I was not able to see him, I refused to give up and fought hard to stay alive.  Neither Sara nor anyone from her side of the family ever sent me a card, not even on behalf of Austin.  In fact, the only correspondence I DID receive was an absurd letter from Ellen Schreder demanding to know what my life insurance policy was, because, in the case of my death, Sara and Austin would have been beneficiaries, as decreed by the court.  Needless to say, I had absolutely no such policy.  She, as a sales representative for Eli Lilly, with her own home, and receiving very, very little income from me, was hardly financially dependent on me at all.

In February 2009, I was finally placed on Medicare and was approved to receive Social Security Disability Insurance, which I am still receiving to this day.  I spent about a year in recovery in Illinois where my family is, and, even though I still owned my home in Burnsville, MN, I was being forced to allow it go into foreclosure while I was filing for bankruptcy.

Once I was well-enough to travel again, I re-established a modified parenting time schedule through Perspectives.  This continued through January 2012, when I was taken off the program because I had become inconsistent in attendance and, unfortunately, my drinking problem had returned.  Even though I was cut short from the program, it would have only lasted for a couple more months since I was on a coaching program which was due to end.  Nevertheless, the supervisors who were always watching and taking notes on our sessions, rarely had anything negative to say about my parenting style.

Soon after our termination from Perspectives, I began researching other agencies that could provide the same type of supervised parenting time programs like what Perspectives offered.  I located such an organization called Genesis II.  I also made a trip from Illinois to Minnesota to visit the organization and had a tour.  They had a location much closer to where Sara and Austin were living, Apple Valley, rather than St. Louis Park.

Last year, when I made this suggestion, I received a letter from Ellen Schreder informing me that the only agency that was acceptable and convenient for Sara was Perspectives.  Still wanting to maintain regular contact with Austin, however, I asked Sara what day and time would work for me to call Austin on the phone.  She told me that on Monday evenings between 7:30 and 8:00 worked the best.  Since then, I have been regularly calling Austin on Monday evenings, and I frequently send care packages with gifts and pictures from his DAD’S side of the family!

I know these brief conversations are being monitored and that Austin is being coached as to what to say.  When I call, he is instantly put on speakerphone, and there are frequent long, silent pauses when I strongly suspect that the phone is muted and either Sara or Sara’s husband tells him what to say.  (He has never ONCE called me “dad” or “daddy” over the phone!)  These phone conversations (most of which I record), are awkward and often unclear.  The fact that Austin is on speaker, often makes it exceedingly difficult to understand what he is saying.

Earlier this year, I sent a letter to Schreder telling her that I would like to use Skype so that we can video chat.  One month later, I received a brief and vague letter from Schreder saying informing me that, due to recent events in which I was involved, Sara is not agreeable to my having Skype sessions with our son.

So, what I need is some advice or help on what I can do since Austin is my number one priority and I refuse to be shut out of his life.  I’m bound and determined to move back to Minnesota and get my life back together so I can be the best dad I can possibly be to my AWESOME AUSTIN!!

Steven Berg