9:24pm — Today was a pretty good, and productive day! I actually got my COVID-19 vaccine (1st dose) done today at Walgreens. I was originally slated to get the Johnson & Johnson 1 dose version, but the FDA “paused” it because people were getting blood clots. I was actually driving to the Walgreens to get it when the call came in telling me I had to reschedule. So, they called me again later in the afternoon and told me I could come in and get the Pfizer vaccine instead, which, I did at 6:30. I then got a long-overdue haircut, and was able to call Austin before 8:30. He told me that he usually has two separate soccer practices on Tuesday’s. But today, he didn’t go to practice. He also told me that school ends at 2, and that he comes home first to change and then goes to practice.

10:21pm — Today was a pretty good day, actually, plain, but good. Here are some highlights:

1) Made good points at a Teams leadership meeting regarding whether our service desk is going to be ready for calls from users. This prompted a big discussion. Even though ServiceNow is not my domain, the thought did come to my mind

2)

9:00pm — I actually had a pretty decent little talk with Austin on Tuesday night. It’s still often a struggle to have any kind of meaningful conversations with him since I now know for sure he’s under a gag order, (i.e. forbidden to discuss certain things with me, like where he’s playing soccer, not allowed to send me pictures, etc.)

In any event, I was at the gym and started asking him about church because this is Holy Week. He told me their church was not having Good Friday services in person this week, only online but they ARE having regular services on Easter. I asked him if he ever invites his friends to church and he said no, he only ever goes with his family. I got the chance to mention to him that I was about his age when a friend started inviting me to church that eventually led me to become a Christian. I just told him to think about it. — I was, of course, referring to Brad Erickson, who at the age of 15ish, started taking an interest in me as a seeking, non-Christian.

I asked him what they usually do for Easter and he said they usually do Easter egg hunts and that he still gets Easter baskets. I pretty much ended the call telling him I was going to send him an Easter basket, which, I bought on Amazon today.

9:07pm — Today is my cousin Connie Preston McGee’s birthday. I don’t even remember how old she is. Well, 6 years younger than me, so, she would be 46!

I have had a pretty good weekend. We took Coco to the dog bakery yesterday. He LOVES that place! It was a beautiful day, too. We then went to church for a Palm Sunday service which included a mini-concert by a famous Christian worship singer and communion.

The choir also sang one of my favorite hymns, “When I survey the wondrous cross” – This was a song we used to sing when I was in choir at Trinity. Each verse is mightier than the previous and the very last line is so powerful, it hits you right between the eyes! I cry every time:

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

9:49am — I often think about how I want to be remembered when I’m gone. I was just reading a devotional by Dr. Robert Jeffress. Alfred Nobel, who actually invented dynamite, did not want to be remembered for that reason, but for more virtuous reasons, hence, the Nobel prizes.

I still have a huge part of my life to go. Despite all my regrets and mistakes, I can make sure that I continue to do the next right thing. Like Jeff Bezos, who pretends he’s 80 years old looking back on the choices he’s facing now, which ones would the older self want him to make now?

I realized last night how lazy I think I’ve become, both physically and intellectually. The amount of effort I used to put into things in order to achieve a desired result is not there lately.

I am mostly motivated by my son. He works hard at everything he does. In many ways, I see myself in him. His mother is resistant to allow me to have much influence in his life as I would like.

Lord, I just want to be in Your will. Greg Laurie says the way you can know if you’re in God’s will is if you are being obedient. There can be no hidden sin or rebellion. I condemn the sin of laziness in my life!

10:53pm — Today was Sydney’s 20th birthday! I can’t even believe it! — I had a pretty productive day at work today, took Coco with me to a dog friendly coffee shop, and then over to a make-shift dog-park, which local dog-owners here call “the field” which is organized by this guy named Steve Grosso who leads this WhatsApp group called “Carolyn Puppers” — Coco just had a blast.

7:10pm — I’ve been down here in Florida for a while now and will be heading back north again Thursday. All the rest of the country seems to have suffered from crazy winter storms. I actually kind of miss the snow, as strange as that sounds. I have been missing the excitement of hearing that a snow storm is coming.

8:06am — The New Year rolled in last night — again we were with Kristie and Eddie and just played a board game — clue.

I’m committing to a few new things this year — primarily centered around my marriage. I definitely need to do a better job of showing love to her.

Lord, I need you to help to make it through. For one thing, I need to believe in You again. My childlike faith has vanished.

Help me, please, to submit to you. 2005 belongs to YOU, O Lord.

It was a cold, rainy day today. I didn’t have a whole lot to do for work. It was a pretty normal, sub-dued day.

I have been thinking a lot again about my book that I’m writing about my past, “My Life So Far.” I’m going through old posts and diary entries that I wrote so long ago. It’s so painful dredging some of that old stuff up. Things go so, so ugly between Sara and me.

I am ACHING for reconciliation.